just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize