Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
