I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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