its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
