Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
