Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
