Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
