we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
