you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
