i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
