thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
