I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
