Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
