i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize