when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
