and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
