There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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