i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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