so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
