I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
