i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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