is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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