there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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