I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
