nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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