Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
