I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
