So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
