I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
