Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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