My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize