What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize