I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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