I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
