if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
