dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
