i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
