Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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