so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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