i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
