Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
