3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
