We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
