she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
