when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dicks are not precious.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
