Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
