I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
