There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
