ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
