I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
