She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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