This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Four minutes until I can fart!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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