It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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