She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
