The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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