took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
