I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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