His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
