i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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