Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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