He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
