im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
