sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize