Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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