You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
