That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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