i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
