I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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