every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
