you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
