He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
